Let Them Be Little

I can remember when you fit in the palm of my hand.
You felt so good in it; no bigger than a minute.
How it amazes me you're changin' with every blink.
Faster than a flower blooms, they grow up all too soon.

So let them be little,
'Cause they're only that way for a while.
Give 'em hope, give them praise,
Give them love every day.
Let 'em cry, let 'em giggle,
Let 'em sleep in the middle,
Oh, but let them be little.

I never felt so much in one little tender touch.
I live for those kisses, your prayers an' your wishes.
An' now you're teachin' me how only a child can see.
Tonight, while we're on our knees, all I ask is:

Please, let them be little,
'Cause they're only that way for a while.
Give them hope, give them praise,
Give them love every day.
Let 'em cry, let 'em giggle,
Let 'em sleep in the middle,
Oh, but let them be little.

The so innocent, precious soul:
You turn around, an' it's time to let them go.

So let them be little,
'Cause they're only that way for a while.
Give them hope, give 'em praise,
Give them love every day.
Let 'em cry, let 'em giggle,
Let them sleep in the middle,
Oh, but let them be little.

Let them be little.

Day 103 & 104 of Life - September 29th & 30th

Sorry to all of those who checked the blog for yesterday's post...only to find there wasn't one. I stayed with Ma last night and I have to tell you...there have been many times where I have felt like I was sleeping at work, but it is actually really bizarre to sleep there! I got a first hand look at a "day in the life of Ma and Sha" and it doesn't involve too much sleep...at least for Ma!

Feeds for the little one have been going quite well. He still tries for 5 oral feeds a day, which means that he usually has to do 3 oral feeds in a row to make that happen. He is also allowed to have 1 breastfeed a day, since it tires him out more than bottle feeds. He often has a hard time with finishing the 3rd oral feed in a row, which was the case today at noon, so they end up tube feeding him. Although, at noon, he still managed to take approximately 20 mL and he was sound asleep!!! But he's coming along quite nicely and is having no problems (knock on wood) with the other oral feeds. He didn't even take advantage of being able to throw up all over his Auntie...thank goodness for that!!!

Yesterday, Ma breastfed him in the morning and weighed him before and after, in order to figure out how much milk he took. Well, according to the scale, he hadn't taken a complete feed, so the nurse (Money Penny)started to tube feed him the rest...except that he was FULL, so about 2 mL into the tube feed, he threw up EVERYWHERE and still fell asleep full!!! So, from now on, Ma's not going to pay any attention to the scale!

They removed all of his monitors earlier in the week...but today, they removed his oxygen saturation monitor as well. It seemed like it wasn't accurately reading and everytime he moved, which is often, it would start beeping. My night was spent getting up and turning off the alarm while Ma was feeding! So, that monitor is gone and they have also started weaning his oxygen, a little bit at a time.

When Ma weighed him this morning, he was 2864 g (6.314 lb)! Quite the little piggy! So, Ma and I went shopping and got him a few more outfits. They're WAY too big for him...but he can swim in them for now!

Pa is staying at the hospital tonight and is going to take care of the little Turkey, so that Ma can have a bit of a break and get some sleep.

There are lots more pics to be posted and 2 new videos (so far at least), which I will post on Monday...so enjoy the rest of your weekend and stay tuned!

Day 102 of Life - September 28th

Ma and Sha are starting to settle into a routine, which means that Ma is getting a little more sleep! The little one took 42 mL of milk at breast last night and has been fairly good with his bottles. He has thrown up a few times and Ma went out to buy some more clothes!!! Apparently, she didn't want to walk around smelling like spit-up!!! Grandma Cush took some clothes home to wash to help out with this!

Other than that, a fairly quiet day. A day of sleeping, eating and snuggling...for both Ma and little Sha.

Day 101 of Life - September 27th

Ma and Little Sha have settled into their new digs at the hospital. Last night was a little rough, not so much for the Turkey, but more so for Ma. This was her night... make formula/milk, heat bottle, feed Sha, milk herself, sterilize bottle and all pumping materials...repeat. She said that she got about 1 hour sleep, this morning, and that was because he was tube fed at 9:00. Definitely a big adjustment for them both.

However, all of his monitors have been removed, except for the blood oxygen saturation monitor, and he now has a long oxygen tube, so he can sleep on Ma while she watches tv. It's great that they can finally have some uninterrupted bonding time together...despite the lack of sleep.

Feeds have been going well, but the little one managed to throw up twice, all over himself and Ma. Apparently his target practice in the NPCU is finally paying off!!!

Ma also gave him a bath last night and the little Turkey is now up to 2772 g (6.111 lb)!!! I guess throwing up on his mother isn't slowing his weight gain down too much.

So, here's to another quiet day and hopefully the little one stops throwing up and keeps up with his bottle feeds, for his sake and Ma's!!!

Day 100 of Life - September 26th

Another big day for a growing boy! Today, little Sha celebrates 100 days of life...and so much has happened. We've seen crises, surgeries, successes in breathing and feeding and weight gain...it has been a real rollercoaster ride so far...but now we're coming out of the tunnel...

Time to get mushy...I consider myself incredibly lucky...For most of my life, I have had another set of parents to call my own and 2 siblings, not related by blood, but a part of my heart. What seems like ages ago, I was also able to add a great "brother-in-law" to the list of important people in my life and 100 days ago, along came my beautiful, perfect nephew. Throughout his days with us so far, this stubborn little boy has continued to worry me, but has astounded me with his stubborn nature and his urge to fight. He has made me laugh and he has made me cry... So, it is my greatest pleasure to report that he has taken the final step towards going home.

Ma has scrubbed and cleaned her room at RMH and has officially checked out. She has taken up residence in her "new" house...the hospital. That's right, people, Ma and Sha have moved in to Care By Parent, the last step towards escaping from the prison! Ma is both excited and scared... In a way, the last 100 days have felt a little like a babysitting job...except that it's her son...and now she's living at work!!! But, in the same sense, soon our little one should be coming home, as long as he continues to behave. So, please keep up the thoughts and the prayers, as this part of the journey will soon (hopefully) be over and the Booblah family will be able to settle into a family routine, with love and appreciation.

PS...Dear Ma: Your thanks are heard and appreciated, but not needed. You're one of the only people in my life who has been there every time I needed a shoulder to cry on, an ear to talk off or a gut to bust! No matter what happens in my life, I know that you are always there for me. You have given so much to me...a stranger (okay, not since we were 3...but at one point, we were strangers!!!). It is I that should be thanking you... You have given me an amazing nephew. And even through the last 100 days, you have been there for me. You have listened to me complain and yell and cry... Another lesson our boy has taught me is that our friendship/sisterhood is a give-take thing and neither of us should ever feel guilty for knowing and using that. So, stop thanking me already...you would do the same!!!

Love Auntie Carrie (God, I love being able to say that!!!)

Just a note

Dear Pa,

I know you are tired. Me too. I know we both miss just having a normal life...except when I think about it, I'm not sure we ever did! Just a bit longer. Thank you for being so strong all of the time, even when I'm not. We are so lucky that you love us so much.
Ma

Dear Auntie,

Thank you for listening to me go on and on and on and on. I know I would be tired of me by now. I couldn't ask for a better sister and Sha couldn't get a better Auntie. Thank you for letting me break into your blog and post messages!
Ma

Dear everyone who continues to read our journey,

Thank you for your ongoing support and wonderful messages. I really love to sit back and check out the messages every night and continue to tell Sha about everyone who is excited for him to come home. And to all our special family overseas...thank you for caring about us and we are looking forward to your next visits so you can meet little Sha!
Ma

Dear family,

I know that it is very difficult when you feel like there is nothing that you can do to help us. You are helping. Just by asking if we are ok. Sometimes that is all that we need. And it really does make a difference. Thank you for the treats for the nurses, blankets for the NICU, the care of our home and Sha's puppy.
Ma

Happy day 100

Dear Sha,

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat
But always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed

I hope you still feel small
When you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes
I hope one more opens

Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances
But they're worth taking
Loving might be a mistake
But it's worth making

Don't let some hell bent heart
Leave you bitter
When you come close to selling out
Reconsider

Give the heavens above
More than just a passing glance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance

You are perfect.

Love,
Mommy

Day 99 of Life - September 25th

Another reason to celebrate...it's the day the stork was supposed to bring you home, but the stork came a little early...

Happy due date, little one! Today, you are officially full term!!! You've done such a good job at growing strong and being stubborn and we are all so proud of you.

Total full bottles in a row: 13
Total throw-ups: 1 (Saturday)

Such a good boy! He took all his bottles today and Ma is on her way to the hospital now to try the midnight bottle. (She has to arrive at least 1/2 hour early to start waking him up...cuz he loves to sleep so much!!!) Hopefully, I haven't jinxed it by starting the count!!! They are going to start giving him 5 bottles a day, instead of the 4 that he gets now...so we'll have to see how that goes. It's a good sign, though.

Ma's milk supply is up a bit more...not enough to actually keep up with him, but she's producing enough that she's going to try to breastfeed tomorrow at 12:00. It's something that they haven't tried for quite awhile and Ma has definitely missed this bonding time with her son...

LIVE

lightning crashes,
a new mother cries
her placenta falls to the floor
the angel opens her eyes
the confusion sets in
before the doctor can even close the door

lightning crashes,
an old mother dies
her intentions fall to the floor
the angel closes her eyes
the confusion that was hers
belongs now, to the baby down the hall

I feel it comin' back again
like a rollin' thunder
chasing the wind
forces pullin' from the center of the earth again
I can feel it.

lightning crashes,
a new mother cries
this moment she's been waiting for
the angel opens her eyes
pale blue colored iris,
presents the circle
and puts the glory out to hide

The secret society of pumping

The pumping room should be renamed the Reassurance Room. I understand that there are many reasons why mothers decide to pump milk for their babies. But in the NICU the reason many of the mothers pump is partly to do with the fellowship of being with other mothers in the pumping room.

Behind those closed doors mothers reach to each other about their darkest fears for their childrens' futures, discuss birthing tramas, rehash ideal visiting scenarios, discuss feeding and surgeries, remind each other that other people have been through the same successes and failures and laugh and cry. I even caught myself shouting out a "Yahoo" for another Mom who had a good result last week.

I suppose it has been what has made me stick to the pumping. The reflective time with other women. It really is the only time that we aren't stuck like glue to the bedside thinking about everything that will happen and what did happen.

And most times the my answer is the same. There are so many non medical issues when you have a child in crisis and most time there is no clear answer. There isn't a life pamphlet on how to react to this situation.

Trust your heart, trust your gut. Give yourself permission. Those are my answers.

"Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body."

Day 98 of Life - September 24th

Rubber duckie, you're the one. You make bath time lots of fun! Another bath and weigh-in night tonight and the winner is...lil' Sha, who now weighs 2685 g (5.919 lb).

Ma and Pa also discovered today that they made a genius! Not only has the little one taken 3 full bottles today, but he has also learned how to turn on his music box. When Ma and Pa were there, the little Turkey flailed his arms around and hit the button, turning on his music...and he did this 3 times! Smarty pants!!!