Posting from Ma - "Insanity"
Below is a post from Ma, regarding her ongoing struggle with the Human Resources Department and all of the other various players who keep jerking her around. (Sorry, I'm getting really ticked too!!!) So, the following post is dedicated to all the "helpful" people in the world!
I swear that if it is the last fricken thing I ever do…I will not let another woman go through the benefit issues that I have had to endure. This long journey with benefits has now reached the peak of insanity. Deep breath…spoke to my new friend…the counsellor today. Just when I finally think I see an end in sight…poof. I get the …we have no idea how to do that…line and a hundred more people get involved and there is no one available to take my calls…and they will call me back…but just kidding…no we won’t. I wish I was able to spend the amount of time that I invest each and every day waiting for these people to call me back on spending time with my son, instead of talking endlessly about the same exact thing over and over and over again to people who really don’t have any personal stake in my life, nor do they feel compelled to go the extra distance to provide me with any accurate information or to help me.
Each new person would like me to start at the beginning, please. And then about one quarter of a way into the long, convoluted story, they cut me off and say…ok then…have you tried this…holy crap. All I do is try. Is it too much to ask that someone could actually try to understand the whole thing in it’s entirety…which I happen to know is complex and long and over the top, because it happens to be my life. I don’t even try to explain it anymore…I just say…it is long and I have gotten nowhere. Except Crazyville, I have gotten there. A one way ticket, I’m starting to think.
It just burns my ass to think of all of the extra time and energy I put into my job. I’m not saying I’m brilliant or that I do everything perfect. Nope. But I do everything I can to the utmost of my ability and I try to give everything I have to do a good job. I might not be proud of the outcome of every project; I do make mistakes all the time, but I am proud that I have never willfully neglected anything and have always tried to do my best. I might not be an important player or have clout or worry about my political future…but I do help people. And sometimes I break rules to do that. I know, it is shocking. A campaign of shock and awe.
I think the institution, not my actual bosses, has forgotten of all of the time that people spend away from families, doing overtime without asking to be compensated, and for all of the weekends that employees spend pouring over paperwork, all the while being away from families and taking away from the things that really matter. But this is the repayment I suppose. It really is the institution and all of the bureaucracy and mindless paperwork. I think everyone has forgotten that there may just be real people involved, real women with real babies, with real issues.
I really am tired of hearing…well…these are the rules. Yeah well, I know your fucked-up manual says that I would have a pregnancy for 9 months and then I would be in the hospital for a couple of days and then I would go home with my baby and Pa and I could share our time off and live happily ever after. No shit. But that doesn’t happen to everyone. You see, this is a different type of pregnancy and a different type of birthing story. Not the kind you see on TLC where the ending is clear and the baby is perfect and the Mother is smiling. So maybe you could have some compassion and for once break a few of those rules…because maybe you might just also be a woman and you might care a bit about moms and babies and the fact that I love what I do and that if you don’t turn me into a raving lunatic, I might just return to work after this shitty part of my life is over. Do you honestly think I wanted this to happen.
Did I happen to mention that my baby happens to have to live where I work and that I happen to have had some people I know well, look at some very private parts of my body. Do you know that I have to ask someone before I can hold my own baby and that right now other people feed him and take care of him and that I don’t get to do any of the normal things. If one more person I call starts a sentence with, well normally benefits…blah blah blah…well my normal life doesn’t really look like this and my normal is so far gone I can’t really even remember it. Normal doesn’t include having to visit your child in a hospital bed.
And, it’s not the money part…we are doing ok…you can stop worrying, it has all come down to principles…what mother should have to endure this stressful situation?
And I can’t forget to send a big ol’ thank you to…the EI people, who you get a different person everytime you call, who tell you a hundred different answers, and then they want you to talk to a specialist because they have no idea what the answer is…but they don’t take incoming calls, so they will call you. But they don’t. Over and over again. And for not having your documents in line with the documents from the Ministry of Labour. And a thank you to the Ministry of Labour…your documents are not in line with the EI documents…so all of the helpful advice is not helpful at all. And thank you for the letter to advise me that you got my call…in this world of technology, I am pleased to see that we are corresponding by snail mail….what an original thought…so convenient and timely. And to my health benefits, who won’t pay for my breastfeeding equipment, does that make any sense??? …it is to pump food so my child can get healthy or for my blood pressure monitor, which I think is off of the scale right now. And there are a few departments full of people that I would also like to thank…but I think that will be a personal thank you…maybe I’ll invite them all over to his bedside to sit beside his ventilator, praying he will be ok, while watching him fight for every breath, and to help me explain why his Mommy and Daddy won’t have enough time to share now and how we won’t be home with him for an entire year and how my top up and pregnancy leave got all mixed up. Are you all insane…or maybe it is me???
And I suppose I should not be at all surprised…considering a few of the moves that have been made lately…some people will know what I mean. Not that I have time to rehash everyone’s issues…but damn, how can that be right. I guess life just isn’t fair, that has to be the understatement of the day.
And it is amazing, that there are really people out there still trying. A real thank you to them. You know who you are and I owe you so many things.
If whatever doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger, than I am going to be damn strong by the end of all this.
One day, I am sure that I will look back on this moment and laugh and laugh. But right now, I can’t help but think about all of the women that have been screwed over by a screwed up system. This has become more intense than when I actually had a job to go to, that I think I was pretty good at…now instead I get to wake up every day and fail yet again at finding a resolution.
The counsellor seems pretty nice, all of the things she said were great. And emotionally it helps to have more strength to continue, and I am taking her advice to post this on the blog, so I don’t have to keep rehashing the same thing over and over again to everyone. I told her considering the readership I didn’t know if it was a good place to vent about work related issues. She said I should do whatever makes me feel better, stop worrying about repercussions and to quote someone I know…fuck em all but 6, cause you need the pallbearers. She thinks it might just be therapeutic to put it out there.
Promises of being paid, checked today…nope…another just kidding. Failures of trying to find a way that I might possibly be able to have time with him, while he is in the hospital, so damn sick, and failure to find a way to spend the year off with pay and topped up, that every other Mom gets to have to actually enjoy their child. What a joke. I can say that I am being punished for having a very ill child. Financially, emotionally and physically.
Phone call…I’m back…ok good, they still have no idea what to do. Perfect. This thing just goes on and on and on. Yesterday I screamed in my car from my Mom’s to my house. Full out screaming at the top of your lungs at 90 km/h can be very therapeutic… People are going to start to think I am crazy, or maybe I am…do crazy people know that they are crazy…the more I type this sentence, the more crazy I think I become. I have never been to the loonie bin…but I think it might be a nice getaway.
I have so many doctors’ appointments now that they could fill a calendar. And now I have counselling appointments…but maybe it will help. She was right, I am starting to feel a bit better.
So, Sha had a shitty day, just like Ma, rate back up and bradys. And I wish I could have been there to take care of him and just talk to him and worry about him. But instead I am housebound, waiting for more phone calls from people telling me that no one knows anything. I can’t travel because then they all have to have my cell number…which no one seems to know how to use. And I can’t have my cell on in the hospital. And I can’t make the unit secretary my personal secretary, takings hundreds of calls on my behalf. So instead I have to wait here at home. Ugh. I just hope there is some piece of me left to take care of him and that I am not so burned out by this…
Goody…it is 400. Time for everyone to run from the building, home to their families. Another day wasted. Days failed at resolution…37.
I suppose I could just accept the things that they tell me and just move on with life. Mom asked me, is this worth it…and sometimes, I think it really isn’t. Sometimes I think I should just take whatever is offered and agree. But then I think, I just want my fair shake. I really bet that the CEO has never had to beg for a cheque or go weeks without being paid or worry about the next year with a sick child. I bet not.
So, half a day crying about this stupidity is probably more than what it is owed. And the other half worried about the baby. Thank god, I don’t have to worry about Pa. He seems to be holding up. I swear if someone tries to label this as post partum, I am going to lose it…I think I’m just postal.
I swear that if it is the last fricken thing I ever do…I will not let another woman go through the benefit issues that I have had to endure. This long journey with benefits has now reached the peak of insanity. Deep breath…spoke to my new friend…the counsellor today. Just when I finally think I see an end in sight…poof. I get the …we have no idea how to do that…line and a hundred more people get involved and there is no one available to take my calls…and they will call me back…but just kidding…no we won’t. I wish I was able to spend the amount of time that I invest each and every day waiting for these people to call me back on spending time with my son, instead of talking endlessly about the same exact thing over and over and over again to people who really don’t have any personal stake in my life, nor do they feel compelled to go the extra distance to provide me with any accurate information or to help me.
Each new person would like me to start at the beginning, please. And then about one quarter of a way into the long, convoluted story, they cut me off and say…ok then…have you tried this…holy crap. All I do is try. Is it too much to ask that someone could actually try to understand the whole thing in it’s entirety…which I happen to know is complex and long and over the top, because it happens to be my life. I don’t even try to explain it anymore…I just say…it is long and I have gotten nowhere. Except Crazyville, I have gotten there. A one way ticket, I’m starting to think.
It just burns my ass to think of all of the extra time and energy I put into my job. I’m not saying I’m brilliant or that I do everything perfect. Nope. But I do everything I can to the utmost of my ability and I try to give everything I have to do a good job. I might not be proud of the outcome of every project; I do make mistakes all the time, but I am proud that I have never willfully neglected anything and have always tried to do my best. I might not be an important player or have clout or worry about my political future…but I do help people. And sometimes I break rules to do that. I know, it is shocking. A campaign of shock and awe.
I think the institution, not my actual bosses, has forgotten of all of the time that people spend away from families, doing overtime without asking to be compensated, and for all of the weekends that employees spend pouring over paperwork, all the while being away from families and taking away from the things that really matter. But this is the repayment I suppose. It really is the institution and all of the bureaucracy and mindless paperwork. I think everyone has forgotten that there may just be real people involved, real women with real babies, with real issues.
I really am tired of hearing…well…these are the rules. Yeah well, I know your fucked-up manual says that I would have a pregnancy for 9 months and then I would be in the hospital for a couple of days and then I would go home with my baby and Pa and I could share our time off and live happily ever after. No shit. But that doesn’t happen to everyone. You see, this is a different type of pregnancy and a different type of birthing story. Not the kind you see on TLC where the ending is clear and the baby is perfect and the Mother is smiling. So maybe you could have some compassion and for once break a few of those rules…because maybe you might just also be a woman and you might care a bit about moms and babies and the fact that I love what I do and that if you don’t turn me into a raving lunatic, I might just return to work after this shitty part of my life is over. Do you honestly think I wanted this to happen.
Did I happen to mention that my baby happens to have to live where I work and that I happen to have had some people I know well, look at some very private parts of my body. Do you know that I have to ask someone before I can hold my own baby and that right now other people feed him and take care of him and that I don’t get to do any of the normal things. If one more person I call starts a sentence with, well normally benefits…blah blah blah…well my normal life doesn’t really look like this and my normal is so far gone I can’t really even remember it. Normal doesn’t include having to visit your child in a hospital bed.
And, it’s not the money part…we are doing ok…you can stop worrying, it has all come down to principles…what mother should have to endure this stressful situation?
And I can’t forget to send a big ol’ thank you to…the EI people, who you get a different person everytime you call, who tell you a hundred different answers, and then they want you to talk to a specialist because they have no idea what the answer is…but they don’t take incoming calls, so they will call you. But they don’t. Over and over again. And for not having your documents in line with the documents from the Ministry of Labour. And a thank you to the Ministry of Labour…your documents are not in line with the EI documents…so all of the helpful advice is not helpful at all. And thank you for the letter to advise me that you got my call…in this world of technology, I am pleased to see that we are corresponding by snail mail….what an original thought…so convenient and timely. And to my health benefits, who won’t pay for my breastfeeding equipment, does that make any sense??? …it is to pump food so my child can get healthy or for my blood pressure monitor, which I think is off of the scale right now. And there are a few departments full of people that I would also like to thank…but I think that will be a personal thank you…maybe I’ll invite them all over to his bedside to sit beside his ventilator, praying he will be ok, while watching him fight for every breath, and to help me explain why his Mommy and Daddy won’t have enough time to share now and how we won’t be home with him for an entire year and how my top up and pregnancy leave got all mixed up. Are you all insane…or maybe it is me???
And I suppose I should not be at all surprised…considering a few of the moves that have been made lately…some people will know what I mean. Not that I have time to rehash everyone’s issues…but damn, how can that be right. I guess life just isn’t fair, that has to be the understatement of the day.
And it is amazing, that there are really people out there still trying. A real thank you to them. You know who you are and I owe you so many things.
If whatever doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger, than I am going to be damn strong by the end of all this.
One day, I am sure that I will look back on this moment and laugh and laugh. But right now, I can’t help but think about all of the women that have been screwed over by a screwed up system. This has become more intense than when I actually had a job to go to, that I think I was pretty good at…now instead I get to wake up every day and fail yet again at finding a resolution.
The counsellor seems pretty nice, all of the things she said were great. And emotionally it helps to have more strength to continue, and I am taking her advice to post this on the blog, so I don’t have to keep rehashing the same thing over and over again to everyone. I told her considering the readership I didn’t know if it was a good place to vent about work related issues. She said I should do whatever makes me feel better, stop worrying about repercussions and to quote someone I know…fuck em all but 6, cause you need the pallbearers. She thinks it might just be therapeutic to put it out there.
Promises of being paid, checked today…nope…another just kidding. Failures of trying to find a way that I might possibly be able to have time with him, while he is in the hospital, so damn sick, and failure to find a way to spend the year off with pay and topped up, that every other Mom gets to have to actually enjoy their child. What a joke. I can say that I am being punished for having a very ill child. Financially, emotionally and physically.
Phone call…I’m back…ok good, they still have no idea what to do. Perfect. This thing just goes on and on and on. Yesterday I screamed in my car from my Mom’s to my house. Full out screaming at the top of your lungs at 90 km/h can be very therapeutic… People are going to start to think I am crazy, or maybe I am…do crazy people know that they are crazy…the more I type this sentence, the more crazy I think I become. I have never been to the loonie bin…but I think it might be a nice getaway.
I have so many doctors’ appointments now that they could fill a calendar. And now I have counselling appointments…but maybe it will help. She was right, I am starting to feel a bit better.
So, Sha had a shitty day, just like Ma, rate back up and bradys. And I wish I could have been there to take care of him and just talk to him and worry about him. But instead I am housebound, waiting for more phone calls from people telling me that no one knows anything. I can’t travel because then they all have to have my cell number…which no one seems to know how to use. And I can’t have my cell on in the hospital. And I can’t make the unit secretary my personal secretary, takings hundreds of calls on my behalf. So instead I have to wait here at home. Ugh. I just hope there is some piece of me left to take care of him and that I am not so burned out by this…
Goody…it is 400. Time for everyone to run from the building, home to their families. Another day wasted. Days failed at resolution…37.
I suppose I could just accept the things that they tell me and just move on with life. Mom asked me, is this worth it…and sometimes, I think it really isn’t. Sometimes I think I should just take whatever is offered and agree. But then I think, I just want my fair shake. I really bet that the CEO has never had to beg for a cheque or go weeks without being paid or worry about the next year with a sick child. I bet not.
So, half a day crying about this stupidity is probably more than what it is owed. And the other half worried about the baby. Thank god, I don’t have to worry about Pa. He seems to be holding up. I swear if someone tries to label this as post partum, I am going to lose it…I think I’m just postal.
posted by Like duh! @ 3:15 p.m.
7 Comments:
At 3:39 p.m.,
Anonymous said…
I was going to read this but I have to work on Monday (I don't think I'll be done by then!!) Why don't you just pitch a tent on the front yard of the HR staff responsible - they WILL give you money to go away!! (Just kiddin') Hang in there baby!!!
A Cow
At 4:30 p.m.,
Anonymous said…
Hey,
If there is anything I can do in your mission to prevent this from happening to other women let me know. We are all here for you. I know how worried I was when I heard F's heartbeat go skip - and that is not serious. I can only begin to understand how stressed you must be.
If we don't see you on Saturday, I will be sending a care package home with Grandma Cush.
We are here for you if you need help.
Tonya (and J and F)
(My email address is myfirstname.mylastname@sympatico.ca - remember that I didn't take J's last name)
At 4:49 p.m.,
Anonymous said…
Me again,
Before all this happened, I asked J if he knew whether you were expecting a boy or a girl. He replied "whatever Ma wants" .
"Huh?"
"Well she is very strong willed"
I never noticed it that way before - I did notice that you reminded me a lot of my sister. That is what I like about you. And my sister (who is 5'2") can tower over J when she has mind to. She can LOOM.
All our love,
Tonya (and J and F)
P.S. I think the food thing is a family trait.
At 7:21 p.m.,
Anonymous said…
Nancy,
I am so sorry all of this is happening to you. It is unjustified. Hang in there and don't give up on your fight because that just wouldn't be you.
Just so you know I pray for little Sha every night and I will now also start prying for some kind of resolution to this entire mess.
I like your neighbour's idea about going to the media, or at least threatening to go to the media...maybe that will get those EI asses in gear!
You're in my thoughts and I miss you,
Jessica
PS - Sorry to tell you hun…but you were already way crazy before any of this happened!! But we all love you that way!
At 8:09 a.m.,
Anonymous said…
Ma...
Well, where do I start? I can't say I feel your pain, because I've never been there. I can say that it breaks my heart to read your post. Your frustration, anger, and heartache are so justified, but so unnecessary it is sickening. It is disheartening to realize that people are so used to 'policies' and 'procedures' that they forget there are always 'exceptions' to the rules and that life does not always follow the same book. These 'exceptions' are always the ones who need a few extra minutes of consideration and God-forbid....compassion.
In a few less words...it really p___es me off that people still treat other people this way. There is no excuse whatsoever for the way you are being treated.
Whatever help you need with your fight to win this thing...count us in! (Even if that means putting Ty in a sandwich board with Sha's picture on it and sending him in the HR Office!) I agree with the ones on the other side of the wall...a little media coverage can go a long way. I also agree with 'esmlg' that this is a very personal time in your life, and you may not want the media-hungry vultures standing on your doorstep looking for the next story.
The blog is a good way of venting...we all need to do that some days! Make sure you forward the blog address to the CEO so he can personally read your journey and he can feel 'proud' about the understanding and compassion his facility has towards his very own employee and patient(s). I'm sure that this story won't be posted in the corporate newsletter!
Sorry to go on for so long...your post burned my @_s and broke my heart all at the same time, and I just can’t help but let you know that our thoughts are with you, and if there is anything (and I mean ANYTHING) that we can do, just holler. We’ll hear you!
One more thing…Pa…keep up the good work! You are putting the other husbands around to shame with your constant support of Ma! (I’m sure that’s not an easy task given the circumstances!)
At 10:49 a.m.,
Anonymous said…
Wow
Wonderful support from sooo many people.
Ma you are the bravest, smartest, most relentless person I know. I grew up wanting to be just like you. I know you and Pa are tired right now. Anyone else would have given up by now. But keep fighting you are in the right in this situation!
Perhaps notifying the media isn't a bad idea. There must be other mothers/fathers out there you have been screwed by the system.
I can start making signs and we can start marching outside of HR's door.
I love you a ton and I'm soooo proud of you and Pa.
keep truckin'
At 2:53 p.m.,
Anonymous said…
What I did was said that I was going to return to work until my son was able to come home from the hospital. Your maternity benefits can be delayed if your child is hospitalized. I then had my Dr give me a letter stating that I was unable to work due to stress and I was then able to get my sickness benefits for up to 15 weeks. When William came home I started my maternity leave and then my parental leave. Sounds simple but nothing ever is. You are so right that people don't have a clue what it is like to watch their child fighting for every breath unless they have lived it. As far as the show a Baby Story, don't torture yourself by watching it, if you want to feel "normal" watch Maternity ward or Babies:special delivery. It's more of the high risk scary things that you are going through. My husband thinks I am insane for watching it but it makes my life feel more "normal". Good Luck & keep fighting, you deserve the time with your son.
Post a Comment
<< Home