It just hits me

On nights like tonight, when the house is still and all I can hear is Sha breathing through the baby monitor, it hits me. Like a wave of emotion, starting at the tips of my toes and coming up and out in tears. Overflowing. Very thankful for another day. Thank you for another day.

When Sha giggles, for me, time stops.

All of the people who cared for us. At home, at the hospital, in their thoughts and prayers and wishes and love. I haven't forgotten. A forever thank you.

On most days, I forget about our time in the NICU and just move past all of those memories. Treating baby Sha as per normal. Just a baby. But on quiet nights like tonight, I remember. I think about how your first bed smelled, like a rain forest damp with humidity. If I close my eyes, I can recall that smell in an instant. Peering at you through the glass.

I think about how Pa and I felt the utmost peak of emotions, high and low. The highest joy and the greatest sadness.

I get it.

Thank you for showing me what is important.

Other people get it too. Because of you. Thank you.

Sha, you are just wonderful. Watching you sleep, safe, happy, thumb-sucking, quiet, snug in your bed, in our home, is my gift.
---
I told him,
Better take your muddy boots off.
I said, your Mama's going to freak right out
When she sees this mess.
But you can blame it on me,
Because he was only following Daddy.

I don't like to think about when
There was only one pair of shoes
By the front door.
Thought I was alright on my own,
Thanks to you those days are gone.

You stopped me in my tracks
Now I can see the future
Every time that I look back.

By the little footprints following me,
Little footprints, brand new.
Little hands that hold my heart
Are only there because of you.

Theres little footprints following me
So I walk more carefully
Because how I act, what I say
What I do and where I go
Is going to wind up there too I know.